So Close

Twenty-five more days, more or less.  That's all the time left before we become a family of seven.  Figuring it was time to unpack and clean all things baby, two of our daughters jump up on the bed, oohing and cooing over all the tiny pieces we fold and tuck away for stand-by.

I prepare a little basket full of wipes and a bottle of cleanser to set by our bed, ready and waiting to clean tiny buns.  A changing pad sits between the bed and dresser, standing at the ready.

Little hands help label what transforms into the baby's layette and we fill it up, accordingly.  It all begins to sink in.

Three dear friends have lost their precious babies in the womb while I've carried ours in mine.  Sometimes the pain is almost too much, watching our sweet friends in agony.  Those babies were to be friends with ours.  They were going to grow up together.  Without realizing it, there were many times I stopped allowing myself to enjoy this pregnancy.  Guilt had set in.  It's not right for those babies to leave us.  How can I celebrate and be so happy when my sweet friends are in such pain?  Now, at the end of this time when baby and I share my middle, I feel a slow, soft, gentle acceptance to allow the good feelings in.  To celebrate this amazing little life that's just about to greet the world.  To daydream, to plan, and to prepare for his or her arrival.  To be happy.  To be thankful.  To love.  To embrace.  To receive the love showered on baby and I from so many friends and family, without feeling badly about it.  To even take first-ever maternity shots offered by a very talented friend.  Learning to mourn loss and embrace life at the same time is hard, but I would hate to miss either one.

Sweet baby, I love you and can't wait to see you.


I'm sharing this at Gratituesday.